When you’re getting ready for a family event which feeling do you get ? Is it stress because of the unknown outcome of your family gathering ; I mean we all know when uncle whoshisname tosses a little to many back things get pretty wild . Or is it excitement ; I mean you know right when you walk in the door people are pleased to see you and your presence is welcomed .
the one thing I’ve been taking into account primarily early on is who shows up . Who showed up when they had many other things to do , and who chose the other things to do .
One portion of my family doesn’t acknowledge my existence and then there’s the other portion who show up , they travel very far to show up .
a few year back I lost my grandma Cyndi and it changed the way I view life , at one point I didn’t value it all . I mean what’s the point am I right , we live and work just enough to pay bills and a good portion of us become very ill and have very low quality of life and after that point we suffer until we don’t anymore.
Fast forward to 2021 and loosing my grandma Jean .
Right before her passing my views on life had changed completely now not only do I see a reason to stick around but now I’m scared to go . Then started realizing all the ways we can be taken away so quickly . And then after her passing I’ve found myself even worrying about anything that could cause me to “depart “ this life .
along with that I’ve started to see how important it is to be a family . It’s more important than you think to make it to that fishing trip . It’s more important than you realize to make it to that bbq . And if you don’t make it you’ll remember the times you should have stepped up to show up because you have no more chances . There’s now way to make that time up .
I wouldn’t consider myself to be a member of my family who gets invited literally anywhere and unfortunately along with that my daughter isn’t either .
I’ve always wanted that movie life where the families do bbqs together and had all my cousins to grow up with .
and since my grandparents passing I’ve longed for that for my daughter I so badly want that for her . So how do you unbecome the black sheep ? And knowing if I didn’t my daughter would suffer the curse as well .
recently I’ve become more intentional and for me that means being more attentive to special days (birthdays, and just good things happening )
I’ve begun to take the time to send gifts 🎁
to many that doesn’t seem like a big deal , but to me that is a personal challenge as a procrastinator at soul not only do I forget to send gifts but I forget about the day completely ( cue in “what a jerk “ comment here ) okay I deserve that !
Anyways so I’m on new journey in life to become closer to my family or bust 👍🏻
Weapons for my journey include:
a big bag of mindfulness
dropping the heavy ammo of trauma induced isolation
and a full clip of words with meaning
wish me luck and my hope is that if you are like me you take the bigger step and be the one to put yourself back into the circle . You may not see it now but life is short .